


Dropping anchor

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Series: Malec Oneshots (explicit) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Caring Alec Lightwood, Dom Alec Lightwood, Dom/sub, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Dom Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Praise Kink, Sub Drop, Sub Magnus Bane, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28027044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Magnus made a mistake that nearly cost human lives. Too depleted of magic to portal home, Alec and he stay in the Institute. Magnus needs his gentle Dom tonight and Alec gives him what he needs. The next morning everything comes crashing down and Magnus drops hard.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Malec Oneshots (explicit) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168304
Comments: 20
Kudos: 151





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first venture in the land of Dom/sub culture. The scene is pretty vanilla, but there is sub drop and dark thoughts.

Magnus wakes up in the half-darkness. The sparse light coming through the stained-glass windows reminds him where he is.

His hand shoots out to the other side of the bed, but all he finds are empty, cold sheets.

Magnus sits up, a little drowsy from sleep and a headache gnawing in his scull.

Why did they sleep in the Institute? Memories start to flood his fuzzy brain.

* * *

Magnus remembers the attack on the Institute, the crack in his wards, not yet unravelled how it could even exist.

He remembers the feeling of failure, of being inadequate, a disappointment. He remembers Alec shouting at him, trying to pull him out of his mental self-mortification and into action.

He remembers fighting and then banishing the demon who entered through the cracks. 

Alec offered him his own energy, but Magnus was too stubborn to take it. This was his fault and he would make it right, alone. In the end, his magic was depleted.

Still, he fixed the wards. It took his last resource of magic and he collapsed on the floor, feeling empty and exhausted.

Alec scooped him up afterwards and carried him into his old bedroom. There was no way of them going home. There was no magic left for a portal and even a taxi ride wasn't appealing.

Alec sat him down on the bed and made him eat and drink something. When Magnus was finished, Alec wove his hand into his hair, drawing soothing circles into Magnus' scalp. His knees fell open and Alec stepped between them, tenderly pulling Magnus' head to the front of his body.

"What do you need, love?" Alec asked.

The endearment always warmed his heart. This powerful shadowhunter, Head of the New York Institute, his husband was so soft only for him.

Magnus was tired, so tired. But he knew that sleep wouldn't come. He felt like jumping out of his skin, like his edges were dissolving.

"What do you need?" Alec repeated.

"I need to be your good boy," Magnus whispered.

Alec nodded in understanding. "I will take care of you," he promised.

Both knew nothing huge would happen tonight. All their stuff was in the loft and it was neither the place nor the situation to play in an elaborate way. All Magnus needed today, was to give up control, to feel that he could be good.

It had been a surprise when Alec found out that Magnus needed this sometimes. In his very long time on earth, he never was able to fully let go, though. But that changed when Alec came into his life. He was different and Magnus trusted him with his mind, body, and soul.

"Traffic lights," Alec said softly and Magnus nodded.

"I need to hear you," Alec coaxed him.

"Yes, sir," Magnus said, his voice raspy from exhaustion.

"Good boy," Alec praised and the two words washed over Magnus like a wave of soothing balm.

"You were so strong today, banishing the demon all on your own."

Alec knew Magnus well enough to know that he needed to address the elephant in the room before trying to bring his husband under. It would only torment him if Alec didn't put a positive frame around it.

"You are so powerful. It amazes me every time I am able to witness how phenomenal you are. To banish this powerful demon - no-one could have done it like you."

Alec ran his both hands through Magnus' hair and under his jaw, pushing his face up to meet his eyes.

"You looked otherworldly and sublime. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I'm so proud to call you my husband. You are the most incredible person I ever met."

Magnus' breathing sped up at the praise. A beautiful pink shadow travelled to his cheeks.

"Can you undress yourself?" Alec inquired. Magnus nodded. "Then do it and lie down in the middle of the bed for me."

Magnus obeyed the soft-spoken order immediately, his skin exploding into goosebumps under Alec's intense gaze.

As soon as he was settled on the bed, Alec lay down on top of him, fully clothed. The coarse fabric of his jeans scratching over Magnus' skin, the weight of his husband on top of him, his large frame caging him - all of it reminded Magnus that his own body had boundaries, that his energy needn't bleed out through the weakened wards of his skin. 

They just lay like this for a long time until Magnus' breathing had calmed and his muscles finally relaxed.

Then Alec pushed himself up into a sitting position, took Magnus' hands in his own, pressed soft kisses to the knuckles, and moved them over Magnus' head.

"Be a good boy and keep them there for me."

Magnus nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. He would always be Alec's good boy, because Alec was good to him, too.

Alec pressed a tender kiss on his husband's lips. 

"You are so perfect. Trusting me the way you do," Alec purred and kissed a trail of little pecks over Magnus' jaw and neck. His mouth travelled over his shoulder to his pecs, stopping at the sensitive nipples, teasing, licking, biting carefully. Alec blew over the wet buds, eliciting a whimper.

"That's right, let me hear you. I want all of your little noises."

Alec' lips moved down to the abs. His stubble tickled and Magnus couldn't help but writhe underneath him.

"I want you to keep as still as possible. Can you do that for me?"

Magnus nodded, but Alec just raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir," Magnus answered.

Alec smiled at him and pushed himself back.

"Gimme some space?"

Only Alec managed to speak an order as if it were a question. Maybe it was one, but Magnus was already on his way to another plane. It always amazed him how easily he could reach subspace with Alec's help.

It shouldn't be that easy, not like this at least. It's not as if they didn't do just the same in bed when they didn't scene. But something about the framing made it different. Something about handing over control, not being responsible for anyone or anything. Just trusting that his dom knew what they both needed. Alec had never disappointed him so far.

Magnus spread his legs and Alec settled between them. His gaze travelled over his husband's body.

"You're so beautiful, laid down like this, all for me to see and take."

He brushed his hands over Magnus' thighs and scrutinised his face that was half-hidden in the pillows, the eyes shut forcefully. 

"Look at me." He waited patiently until Magnus did as he said. "Do you need a blindfold?"

Magnus thought about it for a moment. "No, I need to see you."

"Good. Just keep your eyes on me all the time. And no coming, unless I tell you to. Colour?"

"Green."

"Good boy."

Magnus didn't understand why, but these two words were like ambrosia to his soul.

Magnus struggled against moving when without warning Alec took his soft cock into his mouth. He licked and teased and it didn't take long until it lay hard and heavy on Alec's tongue. 

"You taste so good," Alec murmured. "Perfect."

He swirled his tongue over the head and Magnus moaned low and guttural. 

"The sounds you make are beautiful and all mine."

"Yours," Magnus moaned when Alec took him in deeply. His hips stuttered upwards, but Alec pushed them down with a firm grip.

_Right, no moving._

Magnus tightened the grip he had on his own wrist. A simple reminder that Alec was in charge.

Alec's mouth travelled lower over his balls to his hole. Alec licked long stripes over it. Magnus struggled against moving. It felt so good but too intense.

He whimpered.

Alec smiled. "So needy for me, my little warlock?"

Magnus answered with a strangled moan. He loved it when Alec called him that. It made him feel small in the best way, cared for, cherished.

Alec set up and took the bottle of lube out of the bedside drawer. He wetted his fingers with it and opened Magnus with slow, but familiar movements.

His other hand still anchored Magnus' hips, helping him to stay still. The lack of latitude made everything feel so much more intense.

Alec continued his praises and they washed over Magnus in waves, every single one wild and new, untameable, and Magnus surrendered fully.

He felt every inch of his skin, the goosebumps, the blush that crept from his chest over his neck to his cheeks. He felt every flick of Alec's fingers inside him, the hold on his hip. He didn't feel like his skin was two sizes too small anymore. 

Every edge seemed to be smoothed out, fuzzy in the best way, and all that he could feel was Alec's presence around and inside him, and all he could see were soft, hooded eyes.

When Alec finally entered him it became all too much. Tears rolled down his cheeks. Keeping his eyes open was a struggle.

But Alec - as always - sensed this. When he was fully seated inside him, he moved down and kissed his tears away.

"You're doing so well, doing everything I ask of you. You can close your eyes if you want to. So perfect, keeping them open for me. I know that it was hard, but you did so well."

Alec kissed him on the lips, first soft, then deep and passionate. Alec started to pull out of his tight hole and pushed in again. Magnus lost himself in the constant movement, like the ebb and flow of the sea, like the turn of day and night. Everything around Magnus felt like heavy fluid that he was floating on. He was weightless. There was no time, no space.

In the back of his mind, a thought nagged him, as if he had forgotten something. Magnus was too afloat to think, too deep under to do anything but take whatever Alec was giving him.

Alec said something, but Magnus was already too far gone. His climax came slowly and steady and exploded into bright light. Distantly he knew that Alec was coming inside him, but it was like seeing something through milk glass.

He felt Alec sliding out of him and pulling him into his arms. His breath tickled on Magnus' scalp and he heard scraps of the praises his husband murmured into his hair.

"Perfekt ... my little ... letting go like this ... beautiful ... love."

Alec made him drink something, but it didn't really register. Magnus fell asleep, feeling warm and loved and whole. 

* * *

Magnus' whole body starts vibrating when he remembers the thing that had nagged on his mind while he floated on air.

_No coming, unless I tell you to._

He came, without permission. He didn't follow Alec's simple order. He wasn't good. He disobeyed.

He had wanted to play, but didn't play his part.

Magnus' mind, happy and content at the memory of the gift Alec had given him last night, makes a U-turn and throws back all the lovely words his dom spoke to him and poisons and twists them beyond recognition.

Magnus is alone in his bed because Alec is finally fed up with him. Him, who endangered Alec's people with faulty wards. Him, who couldn't be trusted to follow a simple order.

Magnus' whole self cracks under the realisation of his failure and he drops hard into the abyss of his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eating or sleeping is totally overrated, so here is the second part. I didn't think I could write it today, but it just wanted to get out of me.
> 
> I'm curious what you think. Please let me know in the comments.

Alec enters his room and pushes the door closed with his foot. He balances the breakfast tray in his hands, trying not to spill the orange juice that he filled up a little too high in the glasses.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," he murmurs. "Time to get some food into you."

He puts the tray down on the bedside table and slips under the covers. Magnus is always very cuddly the morning after a scene and the prior day was awful enough to justify extra time for that alone. Alec will make sure that Magnus gets his fill of cuddles before they both need to go back to work.

Magnus flinches away when he touches him. His skin feels cold and his body is tense.

"Is everything okay, love?" Alec asks. Alarm bells start ringing in his head when the answer takes way longer than expected. 

"Leave me be. You'll get rid of me soon enough," Magnus hisses.

It never happened before, but Alec knows what this is. Magnus is dropping.

_Shit._

Alec goes through the scene they did, through the care he gave him: food before, drink after, cuddles, blankets, praises, sleep. That's all Magnus usually needs. Normally he's also okay with waking up alone. He knows that Alec never fully leaves without waking him.

Maybe it's the room. They never played here before. Or maybe even the soft things they did last night were too much under the circumstances. Maybe his exhaustion made Magnus more vulnerable. 

Alec doesn't allow himself to get angry at himself. There will be time for that later. Now he needs to take care of his husband. 

"What makes you think I want to get rid of you, love?" he asks as softly as he is able to.

Magnus huffs.

"It's not as if you'd act like you wanted me," he spits.

The words feel like a knife pushed right into his heart. But he knows this isn't Magnus talking. It's the hormones crashing, the depression clouding his mind. What would Alec give to just look into his sub's mind right now, to get an idea of what they are dealing with.

Luckily he can't. It would probably let him say goodbye to ever scening again. There's just so much a loving partner can take. His own words twisted into weapons isn't something anyone can deal with. But that's what is happening ever since Magnus woke up.

There is an all-enveloping darkness surrounding the praises Alec spoke so softly into his skin. The darkness is tinting, distorting them. Magnus can hear them as if Alec was speaking them right into his ear. But they are lies, fed by insecurity and fear.

"You are so perfect. Trusting me the way you do" morphs to _You're only good when you follow my commands._

"I want all of your little noises" turns to _I wanna hear how needy you are, how weak._

"I want you to keep as still as possible" screams at him as _Don't you see how pathetic you are? You're not even allowed to move as you please!_

"You're so beautiful, laid down like this" is reduced to _You're only beautiful when you spread your legs for me._

Magnus' brain nearly breaks his heart when it twists "You were so strong today, banishing the demon all on your own" to _You were stupid to let the demon in in the first place. Just right that you cleaned up your mess yourself. You nearly got my best men killed._

The voice in his head keeps going on, takes away everything that is good, distances him from Alec who tries to cut through them, to reach his husband.

"You feel so good. Opening up for me like that." _You're nothing more than a mediocre shag._

"You are so powerful." _Unless you let me make you my little bitch._

"My little warlock." _You're nothing more than a toy, a pet for my amusement._

"Love, please, Magnus, talk to me!"

Alec's real voice seems so far away, unreachable. The fake voice is so much louder, seems so much more real.

"Please, please!" Is Alec sobbing? Magnus isn't sure. Maybe. He doesn't care. Alec only begs so he can keep him under his boot.

There is movement on the bed and steps on the floor. Then there is Alec's voice, strong and firm, right in front of him.

"Omamori," he says.

Something tickles at the insides of Magnus' skull. The word means something. Not just the charm. There is something deeper.

"Omamori," Alec repeats with the voice he only uses when he's the demanding dom Magnus sometimes craves.

"Repeat after me, Magnus: omamori."

Magnus' mouth wants to form the word but he can't get the word out. Under the haze he knows that he needs to mean it, not just say it.

He feels Alec's hand first softly brushing through his hair, massaging his scalp, then tugging on his hair: *tug* a little stronger *tug* again a little stronger *tug*. _Ouch! That hurt!_

Magnus' eyes shoot open and for the first time since he closed his eyes yesterday he sees Alec, _really_ sees him.

"Repeat after me, Magnus: omamori."

Magnus fixes his eyes on Alec's gaze. 

"Omamori."

Alec breathes out sharply, the air a stream of relief. He presses a kiss to Magnus' forehead.

"Good boy."

"M not," Magnus slurs.

"Why?" Alec's gentle voice caresses him.

"Came without permission."

The words are still difficult to get out, but Alec understands. He sighs.

"You had permission, love. And even if you didn't, you'd still be my good boy. You are _always_ my good boy, even if you do something wrong and I need to punish you. You are _always_ my good boy. You do so well, following all my orders, give yourself to me, shower me with your trust.

"You are perfect in every way. You are beautiful and strong. You have no idea how much I adore you, have you? How much I feel blessed that you trust me, that you submit to me during our scenes, that you believe in me to make the right decisions.

"Your whole being is a gift to me, one I still can't understand, how you are willingly giving it to me. 

"You were so perfect last night, how you kept yourself from touching me or yourself, how you looked at me, although you wanted to close your eyes again and again.

"Oh, and how beautiful you looked when you came. It took me right over the edge. I will never get used to how beautiful you look when you let go. And I am the only one allowed to see you like this."

The praise washes over Magnus like a tidal wave, sweeping along the doubts and fears.

There is a cautious smile tugging on Magnus' lips.

"Can I hold you?" Alec asks.

"Yes, sir."

Alec gets on the bed and pulls him close.

"You don't need to call me sir, love. You stopped the play. Remember? You used your safeword."

Magnus blinks at him. "You're right, darling."

Shame washes over Magnus as his brain slowly catches up on what just happened.

"I'm so sorry, Alexander."

Alec shushes him softly. "It's alright, my love. Sub drop happens. I'm sorry that I wasn't here to keep you from spiralling."

"Now you're here."

"Yes, I am. And I'm gonna feed you now, okay, love?"

Magnus nods and accepts the little pieces of bread and cheese that Alec hand-feeds him. When he feels better, Alec pulls him into a seating position between his knees and gives him the glass of orange juice, not caring about the spills on the sheets.

The coffee is cold, but Magnus warms the mugs with magic. Alec gives him a stern look.

"What? My dom needs a little pampering, too, after that," Magnus says, a smile playing on his lips

Alec smiles right back at him.

"Okay, but then we rest and cuddle as long as we need. I shoot Izzy a text to sub for me."

Magnus snickers.

"Cover, I meant cover," Alec groans, but secretly he enjoys hearing his husband's laughter again. 

They'll have to talk about the details later to make sure it never gets that bad again. But now they just need to feel each other, push away the remnants of darkness between them. They only need to be with each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sub drop can be very difficult to get out of. Please, get well informed before scening with anyone. Stay safe! 💜

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think.


End file.
